How to Celebrate with a Party Amidst Tragedy, Trauma, and Terror

It’s Important to Celebrate Life During Difficult Times

We live in a world full of the Three Ts: tragedy, trauma and terror. While some of us are fortunate enough to live a relatively peaceful life, others live in places of extreme instability and chaos. No matter where you live, we have all experienced at least some level of tragedy and trauma in our lives. And even if things are peaceful for you at the moment, it can feel difficult to celebrate life when other people – whether nearby or across the world – suffer tremendously. Yet, the Three Ts are why it’s more important than ever to celebrate life. There is power in positivity and declaring the importance of human connection and enjoyment.

Three Compelling Reasons to Celebrate Life with Parties, Despite the Three Ts

1. Celebrating Life is a Direct Affront to Terrors and Trauma that Afflict Our Lives

Life is meant to be enjoyed. Humans are meant to thrive and flourish. So before we dissect the way we focus on the true and positive purpose of life and why that’s worth fighting for amidst the three Ts, let’s clarify each T for what it is:

• Terror, whether a direct assault from a person or group or whether an indirect result of any event or situation, paralyzes us. It grips us with fear and a sense of loss of control. Nothing quite rocks your boat – physically, mentally and emotionally – like true terror. It’s easy to feel incapable of positive states like peace, relaxation and confidence when you are gripped by terror. When terrible things happen, our priority is to get physically safe and then mentally and emotionally safe.
• A terror is a tragedy, but a tragedy isn’t always a terror. A tragedy may be the experience of a death in the family or a painful divorce. A tragedy may be less intense or detrimental than terror, but it can create very heavy grief. For many, joy becomes elusive during or after tragedy.
• Trauma is a result of terror or any kind of abuse or situation that causes physical or psychological harm. It can show up in many ways which look different for everyone. Trauma triggers are different for everyone. Trauma is something everyone needs to work through and release. The ways to heal from trauma are so varied and incredible; most people aren’t aware of what types of healing modalities are at their fingertips. These are well-researched, scientifically-validated techniques that aren’t yet widespread common knowledge. The reason I explain this is because the act of intentionally creating opportunities to embrace joy, fun and creativity is a surprisingly healing action to these three Ts that most people don’t take seriously.

1) Parties facilitate experiences that are the opposite of tragedy, trauma and terror

The purpose of a party is to bring people together to have fun and celebrate in some way. You don’t need a specific event or occasion to celebrate – you can just celebrate life and friendship.

The emotional support from healthy relationships and even brief or temporary connections with other people are powerful forces of resilience to the Three Ts. Human connection is vital and can make a huge difference in how someone experiences the Three Ts. It’s hard to forget terrible things that happen, but people also always remember the warm blanket someone lovingly offered, the meals people provided, the warm words of encouragement, or someone just being with them in their pain.

When you host a party and intentionally foster an atmosphere of positive human connection, you’re creating a high-energy space where people can more easily feel good and relaxed. Bear in mind that choosing guests is a crucial factor as you don’t want people in your space who negatively impact you and your guests or your atmosphere. Use common sense and invite people who are good-natured and equally open to being a part of a positive atmosphere. There is genuine joy in connecting with others and sharing a good time.

2) Parties exemplify and honor the life experience that everyone should have

Everyone’s idea of a perfect party will look different depending on their personality, culture and region. But regardless of their specific idea of a good time, everyone craves and deserves rewarding social experiences. Everyone deserves to let loose, to laugh, and to connect with friends and loved ones. Everyone deserves to eat good food and drink good drinks. So just because something terrible has happened – whether in your own life, to someone you know, or to someone across the world – doesn’t mean you stop having fun. It doesn’t mean life has to be sad and unrewarding. Partying is a direct affront to tragedies by telling life, ‘actually it should be like this.’

If you are aware of anything tragic that has recently happened or is happening in the world at the time of your party, whether something personal or involving strangers, make a toast to the people in that situation with champagne or a sparkling juice. Make a toast to their right to dignity, to a good and fulfilling life, and to relief from their situation. Honor those people and declare what experience they should have. Anything you choose to do to make a difference, declare that and toast to it. Whatever actions you take, whatever prayers or meditation you offer up – declare and celebrate the life we all strive for on behalf of whoever is suffering.

3) There is power in play

Aside from the benefits of socializing at a party, the simple act of play is liberating. Adults don’t play enough. Many people are sadly too busy to dedicate time to fun hobbies or to do anything truly playful in their fleeting spare time. But play is so powerful in letting loose and feeling free to just enjoy the present moment. It is similar to the way participating in a drama or theater group is such a powerful healing modality for trauma. Play lets us act out and have fun, with no particular agenda. It reduces stress and helps us feel more like ourselves. Playing games at your parties or having any fun activities is not only fun for its own sake, but can also be therapeutic.

2. Celebrating Life Helps Us to Focus on the Positive and Fosters Gratitude

Let me break down what it means to ‘celebrate life.’ It can sound like an elusive concept in the face of tragedy. But when we celebrate life despite terrible things happening around us, we celebrate our potential. Instead of succumbing to despair over the current state of things, we celebrate our preferred/alternate reality and unknown possibilities – even if they seem impossible. Because in truth, we have no idea what gems the future holds. Rather than drown in grief over losses, we can choose to hope for and believe in what doesn’t seem believable.

1) We can still celebrate alongside grief

I am not saying that grief doesn’t have a place in human experience. It certainly does, and it is healthy and necessary to fully grieve. This looks different for everyone. But what I am saying is to not let grief take over the show by shutting off opportunities to experience gratitude and celebration. Celebrating life means we stay alive and continue to strive for the best despite all odds, because we believe in our intrinsic worth and choose to fight for it – on behalf of ourselves and all others. We choose to believe that we as individuals and as a collective are worth celebrating, and we refuse to let others’ negative perceptions or interpretations convince us otherwise.

2) We feel more free when we celebrate

In celebrating, we are internally taken to a different place. We can embrace a level of joy that pain ultimately cannot touch. We can regularly revisit and work through our pain from the three Ts, addressing and releasing our trauma from past and present, but we do not remain in the depths that seem to engulf us. Rather, we remain grounded in our true essence of love, positive power and potential. And to help us do so, we celebrate!

3) Celebrating gives us something to be grateful for

The powerfully positive effect of gratitude has been researched high and low. Parties are a way to promote and share the good things that we live for – friendships and positive human connection, good food and drink, and play. These are things for which we can all be grateful. It’s easier to foster gratitude for things you experience in real time, so having a great party is certainly a catalyst to feeling gratitude!

3. Parties are a Healthy Distraction from Life’s Heavier Burdens

I don’t think it’s healthy to neglect issues and remain distracted. Most people try to do that already. But while we face and address the three Ts and take care of ourselves as needed, we should balance that healing and heavier work with fun. Life is meant to be a balance and sometimes the best medicine is a respite – no matter how fleeting or frequent.

1) Themed parties provide an exciting escape

The reason play is such a powerful activity for children coping with trauma is because it activates the lighter, freer parts of the mind. It allows children to just be children. There is power in that. In the same way, a playful party with a focus on something lighthearted and interesting provides a cognitive escape for adults dealing with the three Ts. Your themed party could be a very bright light indeed for anyone whose life is otherwise plagued by heaviness during that time. We look back and fondly remember those happy escapes during difficult periods of our lives.

2) Connecting with others pulls us away from our own internal strife

When we truly listen to what is going on in someone else’s life, it refocuses our mind from whatever problem is otherwise present in our own lives. It can be very freeing to learn about someone else and what they are doing and what interests them. Even without a backdrop of tragedy, we are all better off when we share and learn from others! That’s why we sometimes feel a little weird after being along for too long. We need that social input and external mental stimulation.

Overview of How to Party During Tragedy, Trauma, and Terror

Here’s a recap of why to celebrate life with parties despite the three Ts:

1. Celebrating life is a direct affront to the terrors and trauma that afflict our lives. This is because parties facilitate experiences that are the opposite of tragedy, trauma and terror. Parties exemplify and honor the life experience everyone should have. There is therapeutic power in fun and play.
2. Celebrating life helps us focus on the positive and fosters gratitude. We can grieve and yet celebrate alongside our grief. Celebrating is liberating – it allows us to feel freer from the heaviness of the three Ts. And celebrating gives us something to always be grateful for.
3. Parties are a healthy distraction from life’s heavier burdens. Themed parties provide an exciting escape by allowing our minds to focus on something lighthearted and interesting. And regardless of whether a party has a theme or not, connecting with other people pulls us away from our own internal strife. We’re in a new moment when we truly focus on someone else.

So you see, it isn’t blasphemous or insensitive to have a party when something terrible has happened. It’s only insensitive to ignore or minimize what’s going on. When we or anyone else experiences terror, trauma and/or tragedy, the healthy response is neither to ignore it nor to shut ourselves off to laughter and joy. The healthier and empowering response is to acknowledge it, declare what should be and any action or intention to promote that preferred reality, and to celebrate life the way it should be in honor of whoever is suffering. When approached this way, parties are liberating and even therapeutic. We need to celebrate, especially when things get hard. Consider it a form of activism against everything that dampens the human spirit. There is power in celebration!