Why You Want to Have Fun at Your Own Party
Hosting a party is a generous thing to do. You give your time, resources, and energy to something that ultimately serves other people. You serve up an opportunity for fun! It’s up to each guest whether they actually enjoy something, but the host sets the scene by providing the occasion, atmosphere, and refreshments. A party is the perfect opportunity for fun, and a very giving thing for a host to do. But is it possible for the host to have fun, too? Of course! It’s possible and in fact expected that you, as host, have fun. Hosting is work but it should be fun work that ultimately leads to an experience that isn’t only rewarding for your guests, but also for you. If you often worry about details or overburden yourself with responsibility for others, learn to change those tendencies so you can let loose and enjoy your own party.
Four Ways to Help You Have Fun at Your Own Party
1. Throw a Party That You Would Personally Love
It seems like common sense that you plan a party because it personally appeals to you. However, you might instead prioritize what you think others expect or prefer. A couple of important notes on this:
a) A party is only fun if you think it’s fun
While you of course want your guests to have a great experience, your party shouldn’t exclude you from having a great experience, too. There’s no reason to host a party that you don’t genuinely enjoy. There’s no reason to include games or activities that turn you off because you think others will like or expect them. If you pretend to enjoy something just to impress others, you are lying. And that is its own problem! Don’t inconvenience yourself by doing things a certain way for reasons other than your own preferences. A party is a gift to others, but only if it’s also a gift to yourself. For every aspect of your party, ask yourself whether it’s something you would love to be a part of at somebody else’s house.
b) If your guests can’t enjoy your party, they might not be the right guests
One of the guidelines for choosing guests is to only invite people who you believe would genuinely enjoy the party. It simply doesn’t make sense to invite your Orthodox Jewish friend to a barbeque. If you have any doubts at all, you can always ask somebody in advance whether they would like to come. But assuming you are already vetting people for whether they would truly enjoy your party, you shouldn’t even concern yourself with discrepancies between what you and they would like. Yes, you want others to have a good time, but this is your party! Even if guests are oblivious to your party’s theme, as long as they are open to it and express interest in coming, there’s no reason to try to make your party more generic. Be creative and theme it up as much as you want!
c) Have food and activities that appeal to you
One of the pillars of being a good party host is to provide ample food and beverages. But along with this charge is to try to only provide refreshments that you would enjoy eating yourself. For one thing, you want to enjoy your food during your own party. But another thing to consider is that you’ll almost always have leftovers (unless you have some extraordinarily ravenous guests who gobble up even your overflow refreshment stash). I learned long ago to not serve food that I didn’t want to eat myself the next day/week! If you throw it out, you’re wasting food and money. It’s true that you can always donate it to family/friends/neighbours. But do have at least some food at your party that you, too, will enjoy eating.
In the same way, make sure you enjoy whatever activities or games you may plan for your party. If everybody loves a certain game that you can’t stand, be proactive and have other fun games on the agenda instead. This goes for backup plans as well. It doesn’t mean you can’t comfortably compromise or try new things! But don’t force yourself to participate in something you aren’t entirely comfortable with just because a guest suggests it. Have other ideas and plans on hand and kindly redirect as needed. Remember, it’s your party.
2. Relax and Don’t Cling Too Tenaciously to Plans That Change
I mentioned food provision as one of the pillars of being a good party host. This is amplified by the link between physical satiation and emotional wellbeing. Another important pillar of being a good host is to keep a flexible mindset. This means that you remember what’s ultimately important at a party and you don’t judge yourself based on how successful it feels. What’s important is that people can relax in a warm and welcoming environment with positive exchanges and a freedom to play and have fun. So as long as there isn’t hateful tension or negativity overwhelming the vibe, and so long as nobody’s feeling hunger pangs, your party is just fine.
Things may happen that disrupt your awesome plans. That can be a bummer but you don’t have to let it drag you down or feel like anything’s ‘failed.’ It’s important to keep a flexible mindset and roll with unexpected changes not only so that you stay relaxed and positive for your guests, but also for yourself. Don’t let things beyond your control dampen your mood at your party. If you accept changes with patience and a lighthearted playfulness, you’ll keep your spirits light and it will be easy to have fun. Everything is a learning experience that can help you plan next time. Stay relaxed, have fun, and enjoy yourself!
a) Don’t over-apologize for things beyond your control
It’s polite to apologize for things that inconvenience your guests. It shows that you care and that you wish things were better. But don’t take responsibility for things that aren’t of your doing. You can’t help it if the power goes out during a storm, or if half the guests can’t make it due to unforeseen circumstances and the party isn’t as lively as it otherwise would have been. It’s not your fault if the delivery of your awesome party supplies went awry and your place isn’t as cool as it would have been. Decent people take these things in stride and would never blame you for such, anyway. So even though it’s considerate to apologize for an inconvenience, don’t be overly apologetic or take on responsibility for things beyond your control. Don’t take on unnecessary guilt or grief – that’s just misplaced blame that limits your ability to have fun.
b) Stay in the present moment
To really enjoy your own party, you need to experience it in real time. If your mind is endlessly running through checklists (did I do this? did I do that?) or fixated on the ‘what’s next’, you won’t be present – whether in conversation with others or in any activity. Likewise, if you ruminate over past mistakes or circumstances (‘I can’t believe I forgot to bake the croissants an hour ago’ or ‘I forgot to take Ben’s coat and offer him a drink when he came in’), you are sabotaging your ability to be present.
It’s true that you need to be more attentive than your guests. After all, as host, you are responsible for supplying food and making sure you bring out more dishes or beverages as things run out (should more be stowed away elsewhere). You need to show people where to take their jacket when they arrive (or take it for them) and direct them to refreshments, seating, and/or other people or activities. But beyond acquainting people with your space when they arrive and making introductions as needed, you really shouldn’t have too much to attend to. Unless you have food in the oven that needed to wait until the time of the party to cook (and ideally you have a timer loud enough to hear), you shouldn’t have to be too watchful.
It’s a delicate art to remain somewhat attentive to your guests and environment while also relaxing and staying present in a good time. But if you’ve prepared enough in advance to set up a relatively maintenance-free party, it should be easy to let loose and enjoy yourself. You don’t have to micromanage guest engagement. Normal adults know how to congregate and make themselves comfortable in a social environment. If it helps, try to imagine yourself as a guest at your own party. Hopefully you would be delighted to be there! If it helps you to feel lighter, pretend to be a happy guest who also happily helps ‘the host’ (who is actually yourself) with little things like restocking refreshments and receiving people who arrive.
3. Don’t Fret Over How Other People Experience Your Party
As I mentioned in the introduction to this post, it’s up to every guest whether or not they actually enjoy your party. It’s not up to you, but it’s up to them. You are charged with making a welcoming environment that invites fun and positive engagement. There are certainly things you do to be a good party host, but at the end of the day, you can’t force people to have a good time. That’s on them!
a) Sometimes, people are just unhappy
Regardless of the reasons, sometimes people don’t have a good time. Usually, there’s something else going on in their life – and that’s a bummer but it’s okay. It’s not your responsibility. Honor where they are, and don’t let it drag you down. This is an important guideline for everyone you encounter in your life in general, but you may feel especially ‘responsible’ for others’ feelings when you’re hosting your own party. Don’t. It is absolutely okay to stay in a great mood even if someone else is struggling with their own. You can show an appropriate level of genuine compassion and concern without overly involving yourself. You can still focus on the present event and company. Not only is that much more enjoyable, but it’s ultimately the most helpful thing you can do!
b) In rare occasions, it may be best for somebody to leave
I say ‘rare occasions’ because, assuming you’ve chosen decent, responsible guests, nobody should be squabbling at your party. Having a polite disagreement is one thing. There’s nothing wrong with arguing a point if it’s done so civilly and the atmosphere remains light and caring. It’s another thing when people clash in such a way that is disruptive or negative. While it’s unlikely that this happens between decent guests, nobody is perfect and anything can happen. Be prepared to take responsibility for your party and ask anyone to leave who cannot keep a calm temper or respectful demeanor. You are doing this both for the sake of your other guests and for yourself. It is your home and you have absolute authority over who you allow to remain in it.
4. If You Need Help, Ask for It!
Assuming you’ve of course vetted your guests, any of them should be happy to help you with something as needed. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed with something and could use a hand, don’t inconvenience yourself if someone else can help you. I have never hosted a party where somebody hasn’t offered to help – with anything from last minute food prep (due to my mistake for not being prepared early enough in advance!) to doling out drinks or cleaning up afterwards. So if someone else’s hand would truly help you, accept it! Allowing other people to help is kind on your part because it shows that you value their effort. It allows them to feel that they can give back at least a little bit. And it makes things easier for you, which you should always appreciate!
a) Clarify guest participation up front
When you send out an invitation to your party, you ideally list all of the details your guests need to know. If it’s a potluck, you may ask them to RSVP with whatever dish they plan to bring. That way, you can know in advance what foods/drinks will already be there and what you may want to supplement. These types of decisions originate with your party planning and what type of party you are having. You shouldn’t plan a party that is too overwhelming for you to handle alone. So if you want to do something truly ambitious, clarify in advance whether a select few confirmed guests would be willing and able to help out with certain things. This way you won’t get too overwhelmed and can better enjoy yourself!
b) Allow a trusted guest to temporarily take over hosting if needed
If something comes up that rocks your waters and you need a breather from hosting, don’t hesitate to find a trusted friend or two to take over hosting responsibilities for as long as you need. Maybe you’ve just received a call from a loved one having an emergency. (Of course, if it’s a true emergency and you need to leave, declare party over and have guests leave – unless you are totally comfortable leaving someone else in charge in your staid). Maybe your cycle began unexpectedly early and you need to temporarily retreat to your bedroom. Maybe you are having an onset of pain or other physical disturbance.
Whatever the case, you are human and have every right to reach out for help. Feel confident leaving your party in the care of someone you trust. Surrendering the reigns may be hard but obviously some situations that require your immediate attention are far more important. While this may not necessarily help you to have more fun at your party, depending on the circumstances, it can help you to focus on whatever you need to in any present moment while not fretting over leaving your party guests ‘hanging’ since you can trust another to take your responsibility for you. Then, depending on the circumstances, you can return to your party and resume a good time.
Overview of What to Do to Have Fun at Your Own Party
Here’s a recap of the important reminders to help you best enjoy your own party:
- Throw a party you yourself would love. It’s only fun if you think it’s fun, too. That means you spend money and time on refreshments and activities that you like. Hosting a party isn’t about pleasing guests. It’s about pleasing yourself and your guests. That’s why if your guests can’t enjoy your party, they aren’t the right guests to invite!
- Relax and don’t fixate on plans that end up changing. Recognize what’s primarily important (a positive atmosphere and plenty of good food); don’t over-apologize for things beyond your control; and stay present in the moment without worrying about the immediate past or future.
- Don’t fret over how others experience your party. You’re the host of your party, not the host of others’ happiness or lack thereof. Sometimes, people are just unhappy, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy, too. Sometimes, it’s appropriate and necessary to tell somebody to leave. As host, take charge when a situation warrants such action.
- If you need help, don’t hesitate to request it. When you first plan your party, secure help in advance as needed. Then during your party, if you suddenly need to step out, have a trusted guest take over hosting in your stead.
It’s important to have fun at your own party! Why else would you go through all the trouble to throw one? Don’t make it an excruciating experience that’s only meant to impress others. That’s not why we have parties. We have parties because we want to celebrate life in whatever appropriate way we see fit. We want to share that celebration experience with others so that they, too, can have a great time. Parties are about having a shared experience of joy, connection and celebration. So while you naturally have more responsibilities as a host, that doesn’t mean you can’t equally participate in the fun!