It’s Worth the Effort to Be a Good Host
As the host of your own party, you are the ringmaster. You are the party CEO. You call the shots on the planning and execution, and it is your responsibility to create the most enjoyable experience for everyone in attendance. No pressure! But while you truly want to facilitate a good time for all, you don’t have to drive yourself crazy with stress or perfectionism. In fact, that would most certainly make things worse. Hosting a party doesn’t have to feel like holding court for the queen, but there are efforts you can take to help make you a wonderful host who throws a successful party. Check out these guidelines to create the best hosting experience possible, both for you and for your guests.
How to Be a Good Host: The Four Main Pillars
1. Give Yourself Plenty of Time in Advance to Plan and Prepare Every Detail of the Party
The number one way to avoid last-minute party hosting hustle and stress is to do as much planning and preparation in advance as you possibly can. This goes for any event in life: preparing for an exam, completing a work project, planning a wedding, to name just a few. Proper planning and advance preparation are important life skills to develop, so if you struggle with them, start by blocking off generous amounts of time on your calendar at various points well in advance of your party. You will need this time to acquire any decorations, party supplies, and food/beverages. If you are planning any DIY projects, you will especially need sufficient time to complete these well in advance.
It’s important to give yourself more time further in advance than seems necessary, to complete all of your party planning and preparation. Why? Because life happens. Something could happen with work requiring you to stay extra hours, or you may have a sick child at home, or any other situation could arise that takes more of your time than expected. If you’ve blocked off ample time on your calendar in advance for party prep, that’s one less thing you have to worry about somehow squeezing into your schedule at the last minute. Don’t let procrastination lead to what would otherwise be preventable stress! If you are frazzled and overwhelmed, you won’t enjoy your party and guests will pick up on that.
1) Set a date with an advance-confirmed guest list
The first step of party planning is two-fold: you need to decide when you can have it (along with a backup date or two in case nobody can make the first choice), and you need to reach out to at least a minimum number of your preferred guests to confirm whether they want to come and are able to come on that date. Once you have a date secured and at least a minimum number of people who have confirmed that they will attend (in order to even make the party worth your effort), you are ready to move forward!
2) Schedule time blocks on your calendar for every task you need to do to prepare for your party
Unless you have an extremely relaxed schedule with very few responsibilities, you can’t just assume that time will magically appear when you need it. You have to make that time before something else comes along to dominate it. So make an agenda that details exactly when you will do everything you need to do. Again, give yourself ample time and at dates far enough in advance to allow for unexpected circumstances or delays. Remember to include time for any DIY projects, ordering party decorations or supplies that will arrive by mail (allow time for shipping delays), going to any stores for supplies or food, time to make or prepare food dishes, etc.
Depending on the type of party you are hosting and any given theme, party preparation may require very little time on your part, or it may require much more time and effort. It totally depends on what you are doing, so just think through everything your party entails and plan accordingly!
3) Keep the day of your party (and/or the day before) wide open
Don’t commit to other activities right before your party, or even the day of your party. The last thing you want is to be tied up in traffic and scrambling in the last hour to get ready. That isn’t fun! So do yourself a favor and politely decline other activities that don’t allow an ample amount of time (at least several hours, but preferably half a day) before your party. You’ll want plenty of time to not only get well-prepared, but to also relax and get in a good head space well before your party even begins. Hosting takes energy, and you need to take care of yourself before you can expect yourself to put forth that energy. At the very least, you’ll need time to sit down and eat a relaxed meal so you won’t be hangry and hogging your own party food by the time it begins!
2. Get Yourself in a Good Headspace
The best host isn’t the one with the most bougie house or the most impressive appetizers. The best host is the one who makes people feel genuinely welcome and cared for. It would be better if your food was boring and your house unimpressive but you received each guest with love and attention and facilitated fun conversation – whether with you or with others – than if your party was in the Martha Stewart leagues but you barely noticed a guest or acted uninterested in them. Of course, people always appreciate good food and fun decor. But the point is that you firstly need to make sure you are present and not preoccupied with other concerns when you invite people into your home.
1) In advance: visualize and expect the most positive party experience you can imagine
There is power in visualization and expectation. Where we direct our thoughts, so reality tends to follow. In other words, don’t imagine the worst case scenario or torture yourself picturing every possible party disaster. Of course anything’s possible – and that’s where a flexible mindset comes in handy (see the next main point further below). But the most potent thing you can do to encourage what you want is to picture your party going as well as it can possible go.
Really imagine the vibe you want to emit, the positive atmosphere you’re trying to create and which you hope your guests will sustain with their own happy moods, and all the fun things you hope will happen. Spend a few minutes thinking about this each day leading up to your party, or at least a few times a week. Think about everyone’s smiling faces (and your own) and the good mood you want present among yourself and others.
Get into a head space where you don’t just yearn for these things, but where you actually expect them. Of course this is possible! And you make your desires more powerfully possible by placing your thoughts there – by visualizing exactly what you want out of a party experience. Don’t forget to include smooth sailing party prep, a hustle-free party day, and anything else you desire. This, coupled with the advance planning and preparation I emphasized in the first main point here, will powerfully move things in the direction you want. Visualization and expectation coupled with proactive planning and action is a party power couple.
2) The day of your party: spend time doing self-care activities to help you be your happiest self
As mentioned in the first point above, it’s important to keep the day of your party relatively clear so that you don’t have any last minute mishaps that throw you into a tailspin of hustling and stress. Not only do you want to prepare well ahead of time so you have a minimum amount of last-minute tasks to do on the day of your party, but you also want to set aside time to do the things that put you in the best mood possible. You’ll need to be sure to have time for self-care so that you are fulfilled and so your energy tank is full to host a fun event.
What this entails depends entirely on your unique personality and needs. Maybe you need a really good workout. Some people are charged by spending time in nature. Maybe you meditate or participate in relaxing rituals that ground you. Maybe you recharge from a good chat with your best friend or family member. Whatever it is that helps you feel most rejuvenated and ready to take on the world, do that on the day of your party!
3) During the party: keep a present mindset and invite guests to enjoy the time together
Ready, set, party! Regardless of your party start time, it actually begins when the first guest enters. When you receive each guest into your home, be genuinely present in welcoming them and helping them get comfortable. Have them remove their shoes if you prefer, take their jacket or show them where to hang it, and offer refreshments. Guide them to seating options should they prefer to sit, and introduce them to any other guests they don’t already know. Tell them (and show them!) that you’re happy they’re there. Make them feel appreciated.
Throughout a party, it can be tricky to balance your attention toward every person. You may wish you had more time with any one friend to chat more, but people understand it’s difficult to do that while hosting. What helps is to get people into small groups so that when you talk to someone, they have more listeners who can then naturally start having a conversation together. Then, when another guest arrives, this frees you up to greet them without necessarily leaving the other guest alone.
While it’s good to do your best to interact with each guest, make sure you also enjoy yourself! As you gather people’s attention for any activity, have fun with whatever you’re doing together and feel like a guest enjoying anyone else’s party. You may know how to be a good host, but remember you’re also a participant, not a detached chaperone/observer. So have a good time with your guests! That’s the point, after all – you aren’t throwing a party as purely an act of service. You’re doing it as much for everyone else as you are for yourself, so have a good time just like everyone else. And please, remember to eat along with everyone else!
3. Keep a Flexible Mindset
While you may put forth every effort to plan an awesome party, things may happen that throw off your plans. Everything doesn’t always go the way we want it, but don’t let that ruin the fun. Have backup plans when applicable.
Of course, be prepared to move any outdoor party inside due to weather factors. Make sure there’s enough ‘backup food’ to eat in case a main dish goes awry (or at least have a convenient and affordable takeaway food option ready in that event). Maybe you’ll want alternative games or activities at the ready in case your guests can’t participate in what you had planned, for whatever reason. Have alternative movie options. A good atmosphere generally promotes easy conversation among guests, but if you sense a stale air or boredom, it helps to have other activities on the back burner to freshen things up!
1) Remember what’s important when it comes to parties
We love throwing fabulous parties with all the thrills. That’s what themed parties are all about! But at the end of the day, what truly matters is that we have a good time and celebrate what we are grateful for. It is always possible to celebrate life and enjoy each other’s company, regardless of whether we have any decorations or music. These things definitely spice it up and amplify an experience, but if things happen that throw off all your good plans, take it in stride. It’s okay to be disappointed (who wouldn’t!), but don’t let that steal a positive mood and keep you and your guests from enjoying yourselves. Remember, as the host, you help set the tone of your party. If you stay positive and roll with the punches, your guests will be much more likely to as well. They’ll take their cue from you.
2) Don’t judge yourself based on how successful a party feels
Even though you are responsible for setting the party scene and for composing yourself in a relaxed and genuine way that promotes positivity and enjoyment for all, you are ultimately never responsible for how others choose to experience your party (or anything, for that matter). So if you have consciously put in the efforts and you understand how to be a good host and throw a great party, yet someone there is having a terrible time, don’t put that on yourself. You can’t control what’s going on in someone else’s life.
Even when you vet your guests to only include well-adjusted and responsible adults (as you always should), people are human and life happens. You don’t always know what’s going on in someone’s life, so never take it personally when they aren’t behaving as they normally do. They may be struggling for whatever reason, yet still chose to come to your party to try to make the most of it. If there are unexpected issues – whether brought by guests or whether they occur at your party, chalk it up to something unfortunate but out of your control. It’s okay. Do your best to be present with everyone and make the most of the time. There will be plenty of other opportunities to have more parties. Each one doesn’t have to be stellar. You can think of it as a learning experience!
4. Make Sure People Have Enough to Eat and Drink
Lastly, always make sure there is ample food and beverages. Coming from someone with starvation anxiety, there’s no mood killer quite like running out of palatable food. I say palatable because even if there are other things to consume that would stave off starvation, it doesn’t help if it makes someone’s stomach churn (or if it’s meat and they’re vegetarian). You don’t have to be an expert chef to serve delicious food, and you don’t have to serve a multi-course meal or hearty buffet. As long as guests know in advance what to expect (i.e. an actual meal vs. appetizers), they will show up either with hungry bellies or with somewhat satiated bellies and may or may not want to munch on more.
Understand that some of us are hungry after only a few hours, regardless of what we’ve eaten previously. So even if you’re only providing light appetizers, just make sure that you have enough to not run out. Here are a few quick tips on serving food:
1) Try to only provide things that you would actually enjoy eating yourself
Since you don’t want to run out of food, and it’s impossible to estimate exactly how much each individual will consumer, you’re almost guaranteed to purchase/prepare more food than everyone will finish. With any luck, you’ll end up with only a little leftover, but you may have a lot more leftover if your guests turn out to be light eaters. For this reason, it’s very important to not have any foods that you absolutely hate – because then you’ll be stuck with the leftovers!
The only exception is if anyone else in your household or any neighbours or friends would be happy to take leftovers off your hands. It’s usually quite easy to donate leftovers to your workplace. Offices are prime environments for stimulating appetites for leftover cakes, donuts, cheese dips, or anything edible. Don’t ask me why; they just are. So if you are not a fan of whatever food you choose to serve (hoping that it’s an otherwise popular choice, for your guests’ sake) but you know people who do like it, you can probably swing it without throwing edible money down the drain.
2) Offer a variety of foods and beverages, including any dietary restrictions
Sometimes you don’t always know about people’s food allergies or restrictions, depending on how well you know all your guests. It’s always a good idea to make a note on the party invitation that instructs guests to mention any dietary restrictions when they RSVP. But if you don’t do this and you don’t know for sure, it’s smart to provide a variety of options that can at least cater to some of the most common restrictions: vegan, gluten-free, and dairy-free. For instance, a quick and simple cucumber garbanzo salad is light and refreshing and contains no animal products or gluten.
Always offer a variety of non-alcoholic drinks if you are also providing alcohol. If someone is discreetly pregnant or simply prefers to not drink alcohol for any reason, don’t leave them with only boring water! Sparkling juices and flavoured seltzer waters are a delicious and much healthier alternative to soda. Or serve a few jugs of different juices alongside plain seltzer water. People can drink either beverage separately or combine them to their taste.
Happy bellies make happy guests (as well as happy moms, workers, spouses, etc.). Let your guests rest assured that they have appetizing options at your party, and be sure to offer those plates in case guests are shy to partake or overlook any dish. As mentioned above, make sure you eat as well (even if you don’t feel hungry, have a few healthy bites to avoid low blood sugar).
Summary of the Pillars to Being a Good Party Host
To recap how to be a good host at your party, follow these guidelines:
- Give yourself ample time in advance to plan and prepare every detail of the party. Set a date with an advance-confirmed guest list; schedule time blocks on your calendar for every task required to prepare for your party; and keep the day of your party clear of other commitments.
- Get yourself in a good headspace. Visualize and expect your preferred party experience in advance; spend the day of your party doing self-care activities to help you be your best self; and keep a present mindset with your guests throughout the party.
- Always keep a flexible mindset. Don’t get so caught up in the details that you forget what’s most important at a party; and don’t judge yourself based on things that are beyond your control.
- Make sure people have enough to eat and drink. Limit your menu to what you yourself would eat; and provide a variety of foods and beverages that accommodate any dietary restrictions.
Your style may be to forgo any guidelines and just jump into hosting on a whim. And maybe you’re already great at it, which is wonderful! Chances are, though, if you’ve read this post, you want some guidance and preparation on how to be a good host at your party. I hope these tips are helpful. Most of the efforts involved are advance actions on your part. If you’ve prepare ahead of time, the only things you’ll need to focus on during your party involve staying present and genuinely welcoming your guests, accepting any mishaps or imperfections with a flexible mindset, and offering plenty to eat and drink. And the more you practice (which means hosting more fun parties!), the breezier this gets.
Happy hosting!